Time Has Passed

And I never updated as to what was happening in my life.

I went to freshmen orientation, I signed up for my classes, I bought this for my dorm room, I moves into my dorm room and i withdrew from UCSB the very next day. Yup, i did. After I had finished decorating my dorm an putting all my clothes and stuff in place, i sat on the desk that would be mine, and i realized that i did not want to be there. I wasn't home sick as many people like to tell me so, but i was not ready to be at UCSB. I realized that I was not ready for the transition from a 30 student classroom to 200 class lecture. I needed a transitioning phase. So I applied to the junior college in my city, signed up for my classes and was set to start at the JC in January because I did not want to wait an entire year to apply to a university, so instead, I just took a semester off.

However, I didn't just bum it out in my house, I applied for a job and started working. But it was only temporarily and pretty soon I started school.

My first semester in college was not what I expected. I expected more work that I would be able to handle and more studying than I've ever done in my life. That's not what I got. With one math class and 2 sciences i expected my workload too be pretty heavy, but it was quite the opposite. My math class was super easy as i took an advance math course in high school and my chemistry class just seemed like 10th grade Chemistry class. However, my biology class is what i has some trouble with as Biology is my WORST SUBJECT. But in the end i pulled through and ended the semester with a 3.0!!

My point is that I did not regret my decision to withdraw from UCSB and stay at a JC, but rather i feel that I made the best choice for me. I am happy with my decision and grateful that my parents(my mom) supported me. My dad was pissed an wouldn't talk to me for 2 months, but he came around.

I felt pressured into attending a UC since all i ever heard form my dad growing up was "you need to study hard and get good grades so you can go to a university'. The thought of going to a JC or a CSU never crossed my mind, my mind was always set on a UC, so when it came time to apply for colleges, I applied to 8 college, and got into 5 of them and decided that i wanted go go away and decided UCSB.

When I decided to come back, i felt relieved and that felt a HUGE burden lifted of my shoulders. That I finally made a decision that was right for ME and that I did'nt decide something because i felt pressured into doing it or that if I didn't choose a certain way, that I would be letting down my parents. Making this decision was the best thing I could have done for ME and i made it. I never considered anybody's feeling and thoughts but my own when I was sitting on the desk that was not meant to be mine staring at a picture of my family that I had taken with me. And it was the best thing i could have done.

Closer and Closer

3 days until my Freshman orientation at UCSB and I'm freaking out. 

I'm scared, nervous, and I feel like I'm gonna have a panic attack at any second...

But I'm also excited for this new experience that I'm gonna have. I will be living in the dorms and be away from family (which i feel both sad and happy about) but that also mean more independence. 

My parents have always let us have independence to make our own choices but they've always given advice and their opinions. I want that independence but I'm also scared of what could happen because of that independence. 

As the first day of school gets closer and closer, I feel more stressed and I',m worrying about everything. If i'll like it there, did i pick the right major, the right dorm, the right classes, what if i flunk out, hate my roommate or just plain hate it there. All these things run through my head daily and the only think that i can do to help me put these thoughts aside is thinking 'I need to give it a shot. Spend at least a year there doing GE and if you don't like it, transfer.' or things like 'It's okay. You'll like it. Obviously you'll feel homesick but that's normal.'

Simple words like scared yet exited do not even begin to cover what I feel-I can't even put these feeling into words. I'm just gonna take it one day at a time and mentally prepare myself for whats to come.  

It's Almost Time.

So I haven't posted anything for a LOOOOONNGGG time and I think its time I start up again.

Its senior year. Well, the end if it, and I just graduated. On june 5 I became a high school graduate with a diploma. Exciting right? Yeah, but also scary. It took me forever to decide what I wanted to do with my life, I still need to figure the rest out.

I know where I'm going to college and I have an idea of what I want to do but what had to be decided was finally decided.  I have at least a year to completely make up my mind because freshmen year is mostly GE classes anyway.

The more I thought about college, the more I stressed and when I finally decided what to do, I felt this HUGE weight lifted off my shoulders. The only thing I have to worry about now is school (when it starts).

High school is supposed to be fun and excited with things to do an clubs to join BUT school work is also very important. I didn't realized that until Junior year. My freshmen year and sophomore year in high school I did well, no failing graded, all passing, but I still hoped that someone told me that colleges DO look at those grades and that those grades DO matter when you are getting sat for graduation practice. I was in the third row for graduation, but if I had just gotten that 1 A in PE freshmen year (yes PE) I would have been in the 2nd row.

I don't want to scare anybody, I just want to say to have fun but also make sure to try your hardest. Think about your future, not too much because you will stress and worry and drive yourself crazy. Just once in a while think about it.

Over, and out. :P

Leaving

In 5 months it will be summer and my Junior year in high school will be OVER.. That mean that starting August...i will be a Senior. Every time i think about it i get sad and start feeling depressed. I'm scared to go away and leave my family. My older sister wanted to go to UC Irvine but she ended up staying with us in the city we leave in because my parents wanted her to stay. She tells me to go wherever i want to go and so do my parents but i know that they want me to stay here with them. I think that in only one year i will be going off to college but that part doesn't scare me, what scares me is leaving. I have my colleges narrowed down and I'm on the right path and everything, I just don't know whether to stay or leave. I will miss my family but i also want to learn how to be away from them. Since i still have about a year left to decide, for now I'm just going to focus on passing my classes and enjoying the time i have left to be a kid/teen.

My Not-So Christmas Sprirt

So Christmas is finally coming around!!!! Is only a few days left and i still don't feel the Christmas spirit. Its probably because my family is gonna be alone this year! My family is not coming over this year and its only gonna be my dad, mom, 2 sisters, and my brother..oh and one of my dads close cousins. He started coming over when he got divorced from his wife. Anyyyywayys, I think that I'm not in the Christmas spirit because theres no presents under the tree for me. I dont mind but at the same time i think that thats it. I told my mom that she didnt have to get me anything this year because we're having finacial problems....Yeahhhh...
Merry Christmas(:

Skinny Girls vs. Not-So Skinny Girls

Today i experienced something that I thought only happened in the movies. I was in my Physics class and in my table there's three girls and a boy. There's me, a skinny girl and a not so skinny girl. So we're all talking and everything is fine until I notice that the way the guy talk to the girls at my table is different. He makes fat jokes and plays around with the not so skinny girl like shes a guy and even whispers mean comments about her. Not only that but he even makes sure that the girl knows he whispers about her. On the other hand, he treats the skinny girl better and even flirts with her, and let me tell you, the not so skinny girl is WAAAYYY better looking than the skinny girl. Basically, the skinny girls with ALWAYS be treated better than the not so skinny girls just because of that, they're not skinny. To those not so skinny girls: dont mind people like and move on, they're not worth your time. (:

Little Sisters & Brothers :P

We have those moments that we just want to strangle them or when we just wish something bad to happen to them. Well today was one of those days for me and I just hate it when my parents don't do anything about it. When my little sister hits me, bites me, or do anything else, i just instantly hit her back because I'm so mad and pissed of. What I've learned through all of this is that no matter how many times we wish for that to happen nothing will change the fact that our parents had little brats after us that we hate. Take it from me there;s times when i love her and just like to hug her and kiss her but then she turns into the little devil she so i just hit her, and pull her hair and kick her out of my room. I'm lucky that there's only two years left so i can go to college and leave this hell hole.  That's all for now(; Bye(;